Wednesday was a really bad day. My frustration level was high and my anxiety level was rising. I knew at some point that day I would have an epic meltdown. I could feel it. I hate it when those happen, but sometimes, when you’re learning to be happy, they happen. Ya just gotta roll with it. But back to my day …
I slept like crap the night before – I woke up like 6 times, I think. When I don’t get enough sleep, I find myself very emotionally vulnerable. I got next to no hours because I had to run around town like a chicken with my head cut off for personal reasons, and I couldn’t focus enough to do three things at once, so I just gave up. Only one good thing happened that day. D was enrolled in a counseling program at school. But it was also very, very bad.
Like a lot of folks, I’m not very proud of some of my less-than-tactful way of handling things. Nor am I proud of some of the skeletons in my closet. I have a lot of grief, guilt and just junk to work through from my many, many years of avoid-and-run tactics. Needless to say, trying to help your child get counseling brings up some of these less-than-proud moments. Total meltdown in the counselor’s office. Eff. Me. Then I think, “Sigh, just admit you’ve got a lot to work through and move on. Whew. That’s awesome, she just nodded like she knew.” It no longer seemed so bad.
What did I have to admit? Well, we’ll just save that mess for another day. A day when I feel brave enough to share with you my fears or perhaps my guilt. Those topics might have three-part series! Ugh.
Well, for now, that’s all I can write. Long hours at work kind of leave my brain drained from all intelligible thought. Good night for now.
~Mama K
loveinanygender 