Guilt, Faith and Self-Esteem … Oh My!

The problem with family is expectations. Maybe that’s why many find me so weird – I gave up having expectations a long, long time ago. But today we’re not talking about me. We’re not even talking about D, exactly. So, who are we talking about?

This is probably going to be one of the most difficult posts, ever. Sometimes things we say can have an adverse affect, and I’m afraid. I’m afraid that this post might drive a wedge further between D and the family on his father’s side that he loves. But, sometimes the truth isn’t pretty, especially when it stares you in the face. D and I have had many conversations about this family and how to handle his transition with them. Ultimately, the decision to put up with their inconsiderate behavior is his. And all I can do is be there, to pick up the broken pieces of his heart when they step out of line.

D says his dad’s family doesn’t really say too much to him about wanting to be a boy. Dad tells him, though, on a regular basis that he wasn’t meant to be a boy, and his step-mother says he never will be a boy, so just “give it up.” Pfffffttt. They must have forgotten who I am and what I stand for then. They must not know that my purpose in this life is to help D transition with a healthy mind, happy heart and intact spirit. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do! At some point in life you choose to be happy or choose to let others’ thoughts define your self-worth. I tried the latter route many-a-times and I’m here to say, EFF THAT! I decide who I am and what I’m about, not people who never took the time to get to know me. I only hope I’m setting a good example for D.

D did tell me that he’s forced to go to church every Sunday he’s with his dad, and one time came to me asking if he was really going to hell. I was completely honest, as always …

“Not everyone believes in that god. Not everyone believes in a hell. I’m one of those people.” Yes, folks, I am not your average, everyday conservative, God-fearing, gun-loving hate machine, “Whoopee!” Ugh. Puh-lease. Nope. I’m a tree-hugging, garden-growing, believer in the balance and harmony of nature. I’m closely attuned with the path of Wicca, but I’m an eclectic spirit who embraces bits and pieces of varying spiritual paths. In other words, I take the parts of the path I like and build them into mine and throw away the parts I don’t like. “What?! You can do that?” D said. I guess no one told him that being spoon fed a helping of hate from a very young age, didn’t mean you had to believe in it.

So, now we’re struggling with guilt, spirituality and self-esteem. Hard enough for any almost-teen, but especially hard on a transgender tween with one half of a family that refuses to accept who you truly are. But, we’ll get through this, too. D and I have been through a lot. We’ll go through more. And we’ll be stronger and closer than ever. Why? Honesty, trust and acceptance- we’ve always had that.

Happy Saturday, and don’t think too poorly of the other side of the table. They’re not horrible people. They just don’t get it, and I don’t believe they ever will. Nor do I have any faith they’ll even bother to try.

~Mama K

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